I find my heart so heavy as I write this...
I've written several times about the infertility issues James and I have faced over the past three years and the emotional toll it takes. I've had my eyes open a bit today and have realize that a different perspective changes alot.
My brother and sister-in-law are pregnant with their first. They are due around the end of November. Mary had her first ultra sound during her routine fourth month check-up. Her doctor's office called back later that afternoon, requesting that she see a specialist for an different, more sophisticated ultra sound. All the more information they would give her was that she didn't have enough amniotic fluid and there seemed to be some debris by her cervix. Alex and Mary made the trip to Denver for the ultra sound and were told that in addition to not having enough amniotic fluid, Mary's placenta was deteriorating. The doctor told them to keep their chins up, for Mary to drink a gallon of water and take it easy and come back in three weeks.
Three weeks and the next appointment arrived today. My heart breaks for them. The amniotic fluid problem is much much worse. Their beautiful baby is dying. Baby J's kidneys are failing and has fluid around his/her heart. Mary is about 24 weeks at this point.
As much as my issues have been so incredibly painful, my perspective has changed and I find myself selfishly grateful. While the pain of being barren month after month can be unbearable, I pray I will never ever experience the unimaginable pain of carrying a child that I know is dying and I can't save. I cannot imagine sitting and waiting for my baby to finish dying, inside of me, and then have to deliver it. To lose a child would be unbearable but to not be able to hold my child and comfort her while she died... I have no words for that. I have no words for this and how heavy my heat is for them.
Everything is a matter of perspective. My pain may be great, but someone else's could always be far, far greater.
Please keep my brother, sister-in-law and unborn baby in your prayers.
~Andrea
