Day Four

So today is day four of my journey to my weight loss goals. I'm following the Pounds and Inches protocol. It's been a little difficult but not too bad. Oddly the difficulty hasn't been physical, it's mental and emotional. I didn't realize the draws I had to food in those manners until just recently. I find myself thinking about what to make for dinner while I'm at work only to realize that I can't eat whatever I'm thinking of. The next thing I realize is how sad I feel about not being able to eat those things. Good grief girl! It's only food! I'm starting to be in awe of how misplaced some of my passions have been. I think this experience is going to be a "cleaning out the junk in the trunk" experience on a physical and mental level.

For the stats so far... I gained five pounds on the load days and I lost all five of those pounds yesterday, which was my first day on the Very Low Calorie Diet. (Like we're talking 500 calories here people!) Can't wait to see the progress on the scale tomorrow morning! (I feel like getting on the scale about 20 times a day right now!)

~Andrea

The Diet so Far...

Today is day 2 of the HcG diet for me. I know it probably sounds totally crazy but the first two days are called "loading days". In other terms, you take your HcG drops like you're supposed to and you have to eat absolutely everything in sight. Crazyness! I managed to not forget to take all my drops. Yay for me 'cause I wasn't so sure about that and I'm still a bit apprehensive about the future on that one. I've also mastered putting them under my tongue without a mirror. This was a needed skill because of work. I don't have easy access to a mirror all day long. Yesterday was hard from the aspect of, get this, I was sooo not hungry the second part of the day. I thought I was going to puke just from the sight of food. Guess that's a good thing. It's lunch right now and I'm working on a pepperoni pizza... slowly working on it. I'm not so hungry today either. I say this is a good thing because tomorrow starts the VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet). If I'm not too hungry now, tomorrow should be easier. I gained weight yesterday but that was expected. Day four of this diet better show a weight loss!

I'll keep you updated on the diet progress but that's all for now!
~Andrea

Time to Jump on the Band Wagon!

Ugh... I'm reading the title I just posted and wishing the coincidence wasn't true, but it is and well, oh well. Do you want to know what I'm talking about? I'm jumping on the "Time to lose some weight and get healthy" band wagon. My history: I've always had trouble in the weight department, always, always always. I've decided that I'm quitting this little problem! Hmph! Enough!

I'm starting the Pounds and Inches/HcG diet tomorrow. (If you don't know what it is, google it and read the free e-book you can find on it.) It's a pretty rigid diet and protocol but people get fantastic results on it and I actually need something strict. I do better with limited choices. So... I have to confess that I'm nervous about starting it. I don't know why but I feel like a big chicken. Oh, and I am NOT currently interested in posting my body stats. I'll probably do it after I've lost some weight and am ready to play the "Wow" factor card.

In other news(I get a kick out of saying that), James and I had a fabulous day. No particular reason other than just 'cause. You know those days when you just truly connect with your spouse on a deeper level? Yep, it's been one of those days and I'm lovin' it! I also took my CAAP graduation test and I'm glad to have that out of the way and be one step closer to graduating! Now I just need to find a new job, anyone need a paralegal? I catered for my mom's store tonight too. She owns a quilt shop and they do "late-night" sews once a month. It gives me practice catering for an easy to please crowd and brings in some extra cash, which is always good!

Hope your Sunday is fabulous!

~Andrea

School...

First I would like to start by letting you know that my ear is still plugged up. Yep... it's been about a week now since I've been able to hear out of my right ear. Let me tell you, I've had enough and ear, it's time to shape up and knock it off! Can't you tell I'm a momma?

School, school, school... it's on my mind and my nerves tonight. I am in my last semester before I graduate with a degree in Paralegal Studies. Whoo hoo! Of course though, it wouldn't be on my mind if there wasn't trouble a brewin', huh? I had to take 5 classes, 15 credits, in order to be able to graduate this semester. On top of working a full-time job, a part-time job and being a momma and a wife, well... I've decided it's a bit too much! HA! Probably should have figured that out just by thinking about it! Oh well 'cause it's too late to do much about it now. The biggest problem I'm having is with one particular professor. He's the head of the legal department and he is the most unorganized and flaky professor I have ever had. As a Type "A" personality who double plans out every single thing I possibly can and multitasks every second of the day, I have a really hard time dealing with people like this. Him being a head of department professor and doing thing like this, well... let's just say I have very little respect for the man. I don't appreciate him taking my ability to get good grades away from me through his lack of follow through. I know this is pretty random but the situation is difficult and long to explain in entirety. I'm ready to throw the towel in a yell "I Quit!!!!". Too bad that just won't get me where I want to be in my life! This is also the point where my dear husband starts laughing at me when I tell him I want to keep going to school and get my teaching license. Too bad for him that he doesn't realize his playful taunting pushes me to prove I can do it that much more! Hopefully this issue with the professor gets better soon. We're playing email tag right now but I'll let you know... I'm not holding my breath.

By the way, I haven't decided yet whether or not I think the new Alice in Wonderland movie looks scary or imaginative. What do you think?

Ears and Mouths

I have decided that the worst thing in the world, beyond an absolute doubt, is having a plugged ear. It's down-right terrible. Hmph! Let's go right ear, I'm sending out the message loud and clear, Come Unplugged! Please.... pretty please..... pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?!?!?

Um yeah... it didn't work, go figure!

So... my issue of the heart of lately is my job. I know I've mentioned before how much I hate it so I won't go into detail on that anymore than to say that I still really, really really hate it. It's actually the sub-issue that is on my heart. My hatred for the job probably boarders all-consuming at times and it's really starting to affect a few other things. My husband is amazing. I know he is tired of hearing me cry and complain about it but he just keeps listening. I'm torn between feeling angry with him (due to him having two bachelors degrees and having not gotten a good job yet) and feeling guilty. I'm a not a nice person when I'm really upset about something. I seem to have a knack for finding someone's personal torment button and pushing it repetitively. Bet you can't imagine what I do to him when I'm really upset about the job issue? Yep, I push the "Failed to find a better job and this affects my manhood and self-esteem" button. Ugh... I'm ashamed of myself for doing so and yet... controlling myself and keeping myself from doing it is so hard. I feel like the woman that Proverbs warns about when I'm doing something like that. Somebody tell my poor husband he'd be better off living on the roof of his house than with my mouth! This leads me to wondering why God gave us women such a terrible tendency to use our mouths for such bad things. I suppose it goes back to "free will" and having to make a choice and a conscience effort to live in a Godly manner. I'm hoping God's got a plan to fix this little "female glitch" before we get to heaven!

Now for some lighter things. I took Katie to the Children's Museum in Denver a few weeks back. I've been meaning to post some pictures on here of my beautiful baby for awhile. I suppose now is as good of a time as any!




There was a pretend veterinarian office set up in one of the rooms. I don't know why she looks grumpy, I promise she was having a good time!



Ah, what would our lives be without dress-up and dolls!



Katie decided she'd had ennough of me taking her picture at this point so she took my picture. Not too bad for a five year old, huh? I'm impressed!



She had a thing for these birds... not sure why.



These two pictures are in the "Nature" creative play area. We spent a ton of time here!



~Andrea

Issues of my heart

So first... I think my lack of writing much on this blog is because I feel guilty. I tend to be negative when I write here. I struggle with feeling that I don't deserve to write my troubles down for anyone and everyone to read. I gotta get over this! I tend to be rather quiet and I'm pretty selective about who I talk to about personal issues. The result of this is that I don't express the things I desperately need to. They build up and I release them on my poor unsuspecting and very male husband. So, I suppose what I'm saying, and perhaps more to myself than anyone else, is that this is my spot to be honest about how I feel and if you don't like it... well, that's ok 'cause you don't have to read. ;)

Now to what's on my heart. James has spent the past 4 weeks interviewing for a fabulous job in Denver. When I say fabulous... I mean it! We were talking six figures, fantastic benefits and finally getting the opportunity to work for a company that truly treats its' employees well. James was their top pick from the beginning. As this is not the first time James has interviewed for a great job, I tried SO hard to not get my hopes up and to not dream and visualize how much better this could make our lives. *Sigh* It didn't happen... again. The company was split 85% men to 15% women. James interviewed with two women for the two open positions. I'm pretty sure it became a "Battle of the Sexes" of sorts and the man lost.

Despite my efforts to control myself, I'm crushed. And the key word in the previous paragraph is the word "again". I have an incredible desire to lie down on my bed and weep and weep and weep. I'm struggling the most because of my job. It was the one thing I had built up, getting to FINALLY quit my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with needing to work. I'm just not ok with having to keep working my current job. This isn't something that just started either. It's been building and building for the past year and a half. It actually got really bad last year around Christmas time. I sunk into an extreme depressed state. I can sense some of those same depressed feelings creeping back in. I don't want to go there again....

As far as the "again" part of that goes, James and I are both struggling with feeling like everything we try to better our lives fails. We tried to get pregnant this past summer.... complete failure. We tried to buy a house this fall... fell through at the last minute. We both keep trying to get better jobs... obviously no luck there either. I'm to the point that I don't feel like trying anymore. This is where I start to get nervous about sinking into a depressed state again. When I say I don't want to try anymore, I'm not just talking about getting a new job, I'm talking about everything. Are we allowed to have "Quitting" parties as adults? Ha ha... I wish!

I don't know what to do but the one thing that keeps me going right now is the song "It is Well". The song came into my head about an hour before the company James was interviewing with called to tell him they weren't hiring him on Wednesday. The words keep repeating in my head...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows role;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul.
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

~Andrea

TIme for some Changes?

I'm a hoping and a prayin' that some changes are coming my family's way. James has a job interview coming up this next week. It's for an accounting job. The pros are that it pays very well and James already said if he gets the job, I can quit my job the same day he gets the new one. For those who don't know, I HATE my job. Like beyond belief, absolutely completely and totally hate my job and being able to quit would be a dream come true. The cons are that the job is down in south Denver. I suppose moving won't be all that bad but my parents are going to have a hard time. Katie has become my dad's support rock since he got sick two and half years ago. We'll only be about an hour drive away but I'm still worried about him. He's getting used to new medicine again. He was having a hard time doing much of anything this morning when we first got to my parents' house. He seemed to get better after we ate but still... I miss my dad the way he used to be sometimes and today was one of those days. I don't miss him being angry all the time but I do miss him being able to focus on a conversation and understand what we are talking about. It's hard to watch him be on the sidelines of almost all our family conversations. I will always love you and be there for you, Dad, but I miss the past too.

I'll write more about the possible changes in our lives later.... I guess I had other things on my heart tonight.

~Andrea