... "keeps no record of wrong" (I Corinthians 13:5)
Part of a beautiful and well known passage, words have never posed such a challenge. How many times have I read this passage and skipped these words?. Have I ever dared to take the words at face value? Could you? All I hear are an awful lot of "buts!" rattling around in my head...
There's been some drama afoot in my world. Through a series of events it has come to light that my beloved husband has been telling some whoppers for awhile. Without going into much detail, let's just say that I found out that my in-laws, whom I had never met and was led to believe hated me and were monsterous, are actually wonderful people and they in turn found out about my existence along with the fact that their son is married. Yep, you read it right... married.... for almost two years.
*Sigh* Anyone feel like curling up with me and ignoring everyone for awhile? *Sigh* Well since that isn't going to work, how about some yelling, crying, etc. Unfortunately, that's not working for me either. My heart keeps screaming out for me to look to Someone above myself. But I've been protesting. Why? I'm not sure.
Well, ok. Maybe I kinda have an idea. It's this verse above. 'Cause dang it! I want to be mad, and stomp my feet, and throw a fit, and pout, and, and, and... that verse just isn't playing along with my pity party. Here's how my recent conversation with God went:
"I'm mad"
"Ok"
"I want to throw a big fit."
"Do you love him?"
"Well yes, but I deserve to get back at him!"
"Really? Why's that?"
"Because he hurt me."
"But you said you love him."
"And?" (Yes, there was some attitude from me during this conversation. I think He just ignored it.)
"Love is patient, love is kind."
"I know, I know... but I just want to be upset right now."
"Why?"
"Because he deserves to have me be mad at him."
"It keeps no record of wrong. You said you love him, do you really?" (Maybe He didn't really ignore my attitude, but rather knew it would bite me later.)
Ouch... where the heck do I go from there?
*Sigh* So now I fight this battle within me, 'cause let's face it... I'm a woman and I'm really good at remembering those wrongs and keeping a record of them. My close friends and family that know about the drama mentioned above keep talking about how I've "handled it so well" and such and such. Um... not so much.
Do I love him? Yes. Do I love him enough to prove it by taking those words above at face value? Ugh... Do I have the ability to die to self and cherish true love between us? Why is this so stinkin' hard?
"But the greatest of these is love."
And in pursuit of the greatest... all I can do is try so let the internal chants begin... "Let it go, let it go. Let love be the greatest."
~Andrea
