The Baby Story so far...

So, there are a few stories I am going to need to tell to support future stories. I suppose I'll start with the pregnancy story.

Starting from the beginning, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) when I was 15. It means that I have a imbalance of certain sex hormones. This causes my follicles to not develop and rather to build up into little cysts on my ovaries. It is characterized by symptoms such as weight problems, acne, unwanted facial hair and, you guessed it, fertility issues.

So, how does this all relate to now? Well, we want a baby and it doesn't seem to be happening. I am just about to start my second month of fertility drugs. The first month was a complete failure. My doctor has me taking a drug called Clomid to help me ovulate. She warned me that I have a chance of getting pregnant with multiples because the drug generally works so well. Not so much in my world. Not only did it not help me ovulate but I didn't end up growing a lining nor did any of my follicles mature.

I have to confess that from the beginning of the "trying to get pregnant" adventure, my heart hasn't totally been into it. James was the driving force behind it. I went along with it because I see what a fantastic dad he is to Katie and I truly believe that he deserves to be a dad both biologically and to experience it from birth on. I had no idea how incredibly heart-breaking it would be to hear the doctor tell me the drugs didn't work. I was shocked to feel my body break down into sobs when I got to the solace of my bedroom. I've decided that maybe I really do want to have another child but the past is stopping me, scaring me. Perhaps the past is the next story I need to tell. Perhaps I'll be able to to let some things go then....
~Andrea