Tuesday, November 19, 2013

An Escape…

This past week marked five years of marriage for James and I.  As all marriages, it hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world, but in reflecting on the past five years, I’ve come to the realization that those years have been good and that I love him more now than I could have ever imagined.  We fight and bicker, sometimes I think more than the “average” couple.  (I’m going to blame it on both of us being independent, stubborn, opinionate and strong in personality.  There’s no way we’re going to be quiet lambs around here with that combo.)  We’d been hoping to get away for the week but had to cut it down to a long weekend because of my work schedule.  We found an awesome Groupon and escaped to Santa Fe.  An entire weekend of doing nothing, no stress, no deadlines, no pressure was amazing.  I haven’t been that relaxed, calm and happy in so long.

During our weekend escape, I began thinking about how grateful I am and how blessed I am to have James.  He is my escape on a daily basis.  He’s the one person I know will always be there to embrace me and listen to my troubles, offer some advice and encourage me to let things go.  Our marriage isn’t perfect and I could easily spend all day ranting and raving about how it’s his fault for this reason or that but….   often, it’s my fault.  Being totally raw and honest, I have a terrible time controlling my impulses to react negatively with words and thoughts to anything contrary to what I want.  Things that don’t matter but change my plans derail me into a steamy mess that spews out nasty things.  I have such a terrible time just keeping my mouth shut and not getting that last dig in.  Awful, awful ugliness.  And I hate it, and I have such a terrible time controlling it.  I can be so awful and temperamental and yet…  he stays.  Not only does he stay, but he stands firm and yet gentle.  He gives me the space I need, chastises gently and is still there waiting to give me the hug I so desperately need.  I don’t know why he stays, sometime I think he’s crazy for it.  I asked him why while we were away this weekend.  First he blinked at me like I was crazy for asking.  Then he smiled, told me how much he loves me and gave me hug.

I am so grateful and so blessed that I have this patient, gentle and kind man as my husband. Thank you.


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