A Story about the Munchkin...

It's time for a story about the munchkin in my life. Let me preface the story with this, I'm so proud of her.

Last week was parent teacher conference time at the school she attends. I went expecting the usual report and wasn't disappointed. Here is one part of where my pride in her is coming from...

Her teacher and I discussed her reading, writing and spelling skills. Finally we arrived at the subject of her math skills. She started the conversation by stating that my munchkin is being pulled out of half of the class's math time to go to a special class. She then asked me if I had gotten a chance to see the charts on the walls outside the 1st grade classroom. Having been a little on the verge of being late to my 7pm conference with her, I totally failed to even notice them, much less look at them. She told me that she needed to explain something that was going on in the computer lab for me to be able to understand the Munch's current math skills. She explained to me that the kids have been playing a math game during computer lab since the beginning of the year. Each level of the game consists of 30 to 40 math problems. The kids have to answer a certain number of them correctly in a set amount of time to pass each level. There are 10 levels of addition, 10 of subtraction and so on. She tells me that half of her class is still working on passing level one. The other half, minus two boys and my munchkin, are working on level two. The two boys are working on level four. She pauses a bit, I'm guessing for effect... which works 'cause I was totally holding my breath at that point. She looks me in the eyes and proceeds to say, "And your daughter... is currently working on level 14."

I'm a beaming Mommy... enough said.

P.S. The munchkin just caught me writing this, and as the reading skills are also advanced, read the end of the story and protested. Apparently she's on level sixteen now... my bad.

Love...

... "keeps no record of wrong" (I Corinthians 13:5)

Part of a beautiful and well known passage, words have never posed such a challenge. How many times have I read this passage and skipped these words?. Have I ever dared to take the words at face value? Could you? All I hear are an awful lot of "buts!" rattling around in my head...

There's been some drama afoot in my world. Through a series of events it has come to light that my beloved husband has been telling some whoppers for awhile. Without going into much detail, let's just say that I found out that my in-laws, whom I had never met and was led to believe hated me and were monsterous, are actually wonderful people and they in turn found out about my existence along with the fact that their son is married. Yep, you read it right... married.... for almost two years.

*Sigh* Anyone feel like curling up with me and ignoring everyone for awhile? *Sigh* Well since that isn't going to work, how about some yelling, crying, etc. Unfortunately, that's not working for me either. My heart keeps screaming out for me to look to Someone above myself. But I've been protesting. Why? I'm not sure.

Well, ok. Maybe I kinda have an idea. It's this verse above. 'Cause dang it! I want to be mad, and stomp my feet, and throw a fit, and pout, and, and, and... that verse just isn't playing along with my pity party. Here's how my recent conversation with God went:

"I'm mad"
"Ok"
"I want to throw a big fit."
"Do you love him?"
"Well yes, but I deserve to get back at him!"
"Really? Why's that?"
"Because he hurt me."
"But you said you love him."
"And?" (Yes, there was some attitude from me during this conversation. I think He just ignored it.)
"Love is patient, love is kind."
"I know, I know... but I just want to be upset right now."
"Why?"
"Because he deserves to have me be mad at him."
"It keeps no record of wrong. You said you love him, do you really?" (Maybe He didn't really ignore my attitude, but rather knew it would bite me later.)
Ouch... where the heck do I go from there?

*Sigh* So now I fight this battle within me, 'cause let's face it... I'm a woman and I'm really good at remembering those wrongs and keeping a record of them. My close friends and family that know about the drama mentioned above keep talking about how I've "handled it so well" and such and such. Um... not so much.

Do I love him? Yes. Do I love him enough to prove it by taking those words above at face value? Ugh... Do I have the ability to die to self and cherish true love between us? Why is this so stinkin' hard?

"But the greatest of these is love."

And in pursuit of the greatest... all I can do is try so let the internal chants begin... "Let it go, let it go. Let love be the greatest."

~Andrea

Whew!!!

Whew! It's been a crazy couple of weeks!Let's see if I can remember what's been going on...

First, the diet. Don't worry, I didn't give up! I made it to thirty days. Final results of the first round?!?! 27 pounds and 21 inches GONE! Whoo hoo!!! You have to wait six weeks in between rounds so your body doesn't become immune to the HcG. I'm pretty stoked to start round two at the end of May. On the other hand though, I am pretty excited to eat some different foods for awhile too. I'd kinda had enough of chicken, fish, fruits and vegetables.

Second, we had a minor catastrophe at our house two weeks ago. My darling husband forgot to pay attention when he was backing his Tahoe out of our garage and took out the front of my car. Grrr!!! I was a little more than upset. It caused about $1800 worth of damages and my poor little car had to get towed to the body shop because it was undrivable. Yes... it was really that bad. I am so grateful that we have insurance though! We only have to cough up $500 for the deductible. It's a decent amount of money, but easy for us to pull out of savings. The insurance company is paying the rest of the damages, paid for the tow truck and also paid for a rental car for the entire time my car is in the shop.

Perhaps this is silly, but the little accident really affected me and for totally selfish reasons. My little car, a 2006 shiny red Volvo S40, is one of my babies. I have always, always wanted to drive a Volvo. Kinda weird for a little kid, huh? So,its a dream fulfillment. It also symbolized a significant time in my life. I've talked a little bit about my ex-husband and divorce in some past posts. One of the hardest parts of the divorce was the financial world. When everything happened, the financial world of the marriage fell on my shoulders alone, with only half the income. As you can imagine, it killed, like super-killed, my credit. I worked at those bills and situation for two years. I had to put every extra penny towards bills and had to work with a company that fixes credit scores before I finally pulled myself out of the hole. The Volvo was the first major purchase, that relied on my credit score, that I was able to make after the divorce. I still remember that day... I was shocked beyond belief when they said I was approved for financing and without them having to pull any strings. All that said... that car means a lot to me and it, this feels silly but..., emotionally wounded me to have him run into it. Oh silly me... the things I worry about and care about. I don't really have a conclusion for this section yet, I guess I haven't quite figured it out yet!

Well... there were some other things that happened in the past few weeks but it's getting late and I've been trying to get up at 4:30 am to work out before going to work. Time for bed!

~Andrea

Updates and Ponderings

So... today is day 15 of me being on the HcG diet. It is fabulous! My mild hunger I had the first week has mostly subsided which is making it easier to be on the diet. I weighed in and took inches today. In two short weeks I have lost 20.6 pounds and 15.5 overall inches! Whoo hoo! And that about sums up how excited I am about all of this! In addition to all of this, I think my hormones are starting to get under control. I have a lovely little thing called PCOS. I have had a terrible time with acne for the past 10+ years. I have tried absolutely everything out there to help with it to no avail. It has been soooo frustrating. Guess what? My face and back have TOTALLY cleared up for perhaps the first time since I was a teenager. Not only am I super stoked about that but it is also giving me hope that my body may heal enough that we can get pregnant. That would be the ultimate accomplishment in my book.

My heart is pondering what to do with my little one and her education. She is in kindergarten in the local public school. It's not working out so well to say the least. She went into kindergarten knowing how to read, write, ABC's, count to 100+, and basic addition and subtraction. She doesn't want to go anymore because she's so bored. She came home a couple weeks ago and asked if I could do 1st grade with her over the summer so they would let her go to 2nd grade in the fall. *Sigh* What to do, what to do. We can't afford to send her to a private school. There is a charter school in town and she's been on the waiting list for two years now. Too bad there's 100+ kids on EACH grade's waiting list. I'm having a hard time with the unknown too. It's going to be a $200 investment in materials if I teach her over the summer and I have no idea whether or not they will actually let her move on. *Sigh* I want the absolute best for my daughter but I'm not too sure what direction leads to that right now.

~Andrea

One Week!

Today will be the completion of week number one on the HcG diet! I am so impressed with myself for having the will power to follow the diet perfectly. This is SO unlike me! So keeping in mind that I gained 5 lbs on the load days, I have lost an additional 10 pounds! Whoo hoo! That means my body has kicked out 15 pounds of icky fat in 5 days of VLCD! I checked my inches for the first time this morning too. I was skeptical but... 8 inches! Gone! Amazing!

Although I'm super stoked about all this weight loss, I do have something else on my heart. My little sister. She is in a really bad relationship, again. My whole family wants to go get her and bring her home but, it doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I'm having a hard time with it because some of things that are going on are like deja vu for me from my ex-husband. *Sigh* I guess it's just the waiting game and prayin' time.

~Andrea

It's getting exciting!

Are you ready for an update?!?! Well, I am ready to give you one!

Today is day number six on the Pounds and Inches protocol. It is my fourth day on the Very Low Calorie Diet. I have to say... I'm addicted to food! My poor family has had to deal with a grumpy momma the past few days. I promise I'm trying to be happy but well... there isn't enough chocolate on this diet! (Hee hee) I haven't cheated yet which I'm pretty impressed with. I also haven't exercised at all yet, just followed the diet.

So.... did I make you wait long enough for some numbers? Keep in mind that I gained five pounds on the two load days. However, I have since lost that five pounds along with an additional six pounds. Yes, that's right. My body has shed itself of eleven pounds in four days! Can you believe that?!?! I am so stoked about it! This is my miracle diet and I am so glad I found it!

~Andrea

Day Four

So today is day four of my journey to my weight loss goals. I'm following the Pounds and Inches protocol. It's been a little difficult but not too bad. Oddly the difficulty hasn't been physical, it's mental and emotional. I didn't realize the draws I had to food in those manners until just recently. I find myself thinking about what to make for dinner while I'm at work only to realize that I can't eat whatever I'm thinking of. The next thing I realize is how sad I feel about not being able to eat those things. Good grief girl! It's only food! I'm starting to be in awe of how misplaced some of my passions have been. I think this experience is going to be a "cleaning out the junk in the trunk" experience on a physical and mental level.

For the stats so far... I gained five pounds on the load days and I lost all five of those pounds yesterday, which was my first day on the Very Low Calorie Diet. (Like we're talking 500 calories here people!) Can't wait to see the progress on the scale tomorrow morning! (I feel like getting on the scale about 20 times a day right now!)

~Andrea

The Diet so Far...

Today is day 2 of the HcG diet for me. I know it probably sounds totally crazy but the first two days are called "loading days". In other terms, you take your HcG drops like you're supposed to and you have to eat absolutely everything in sight. Crazyness! I managed to not forget to take all my drops. Yay for me 'cause I wasn't so sure about that and I'm still a bit apprehensive about the future on that one. I've also mastered putting them under my tongue without a mirror. This was a needed skill because of work. I don't have easy access to a mirror all day long. Yesterday was hard from the aspect of, get this, I was sooo not hungry the second part of the day. I thought I was going to puke just from the sight of food. Guess that's a good thing. It's lunch right now and I'm working on a pepperoni pizza... slowly working on it. I'm not so hungry today either. I say this is a good thing because tomorrow starts the VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet). If I'm not too hungry now, tomorrow should be easier. I gained weight yesterday but that was expected. Day four of this diet better show a weight loss!

I'll keep you updated on the diet progress but that's all for now!
~Andrea

Time to Jump on the Band Wagon!

Ugh... I'm reading the title I just posted and wishing the coincidence wasn't true, but it is and well, oh well. Do you want to know what I'm talking about? I'm jumping on the "Time to lose some weight and get healthy" band wagon. My history: I've always had trouble in the weight department, always, always always. I've decided that I'm quitting this little problem! Hmph! Enough!

I'm starting the Pounds and Inches/HcG diet tomorrow. (If you don't know what it is, google it and read the free e-book you can find on it.) It's a pretty rigid diet and protocol but people get fantastic results on it and I actually need something strict. I do better with limited choices. So... I have to confess that I'm nervous about starting it. I don't know why but I feel like a big chicken. Oh, and I am NOT currently interested in posting my body stats. I'll probably do it after I've lost some weight and am ready to play the "Wow" factor card.

In other news(I get a kick out of saying that), James and I had a fabulous day. No particular reason other than just 'cause. You know those days when you just truly connect with your spouse on a deeper level? Yep, it's been one of those days and I'm lovin' it! I also took my CAAP graduation test and I'm glad to have that out of the way and be one step closer to graduating! Now I just need to find a new job, anyone need a paralegal? I catered for my mom's store tonight too. She owns a quilt shop and they do "late-night" sews once a month. It gives me practice catering for an easy to please crowd and brings in some extra cash, which is always good!

Hope your Sunday is fabulous!

~Andrea

School...

First I would like to start by letting you know that my ear is still plugged up. Yep... it's been about a week now since I've been able to hear out of my right ear. Let me tell you, I've had enough and ear, it's time to shape up and knock it off! Can't you tell I'm a momma?

School, school, school... it's on my mind and my nerves tonight. I am in my last semester before I graduate with a degree in Paralegal Studies. Whoo hoo! Of course though, it wouldn't be on my mind if there wasn't trouble a brewin', huh? I had to take 5 classes, 15 credits, in order to be able to graduate this semester. On top of working a full-time job, a part-time job and being a momma and a wife, well... I've decided it's a bit too much! HA! Probably should have figured that out just by thinking about it! Oh well 'cause it's too late to do much about it now. The biggest problem I'm having is with one particular professor. He's the head of the legal department and he is the most unorganized and flaky professor I have ever had. As a Type "A" personality who double plans out every single thing I possibly can and multitasks every second of the day, I have a really hard time dealing with people like this. Him being a head of department professor and doing thing like this, well... let's just say I have very little respect for the man. I don't appreciate him taking my ability to get good grades away from me through his lack of follow through. I know this is pretty random but the situation is difficult and long to explain in entirety. I'm ready to throw the towel in a yell "I Quit!!!!". Too bad that just won't get me where I want to be in my life! This is also the point where my dear husband starts laughing at me when I tell him I want to keep going to school and get my teaching license. Too bad for him that he doesn't realize his playful taunting pushes me to prove I can do it that much more! Hopefully this issue with the professor gets better soon. We're playing email tag right now but I'll let you know... I'm not holding my breath.

By the way, I haven't decided yet whether or not I think the new Alice in Wonderland movie looks scary or imaginative. What do you think?

Ears and Mouths

I have decided that the worst thing in the world, beyond an absolute doubt, is having a plugged ear. It's down-right terrible. Hmph! Let's go right ear, I'm sending out the message loud and clear, Come Unplugged! Please.... pretty please..... pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?!?!?

Um yeah... it didn't work, go figure!

So... my issue of the heart of lately is my job. I know I've mentioned before how much I hate it so I won't go into detail on that anymore than to say that I still really, really really hate it. It's actually the sub-issue that is on my heart. My hatred for the job probably boarders all-consuming at times and it's really starting to affect a few other things. My husband is amazing. I know he is tired of hearing me cry and complain about it but he just keeps listening. I'm torn between feeling angry with him (due to him having two bachelors degrees and having not gotten a good job yet) and feeling guilty. I'm a not a nice person when I'm really upset about something. I seem to have a knack for finding someone's personal torment button and pushing it repetitively. Bet you can't imagine what I do to him when I'm really upset about the job issue? Yep, I push the "Failed to find a better job and this affects my manhood and self-esteem" button. Ugh... I'm ashamed of myself for doing so and yet... controlling myself and keeping myself from doing it is so hard. I feel like the woman that Proverbs warns about when I'm doing something like that. Somebody tell my poor husband he'd be better off living on the roof of his house than with my mouth! This leads me to wondering why God gave us women such a terrible tendency to use our mouths for such bad things. I suppose it goes back to "free will" and having to make a choice and a conscience effort to live in a Godly manner. I'm hoping God's got a plan to fix this little "female glitch" before we get to heaven!

Now for some lighter things. I took Katie to the Children's Museum in Denver a few weeks back. I've been meaning to post some pictures on here of my beautiful baby for awhile. I suppose now is as good of a time as any!




There was a pretend veterinarian office set up in one of the rooms. I don't know why she looks grumpy, I promise she was having a good time!



Ah, what would our lives be without dress-up and dolls!



Katie decided she'd had ennough of me taking her picture at this point so she took my picture. Not too bad for a five year old, huh? I'm impressed!



She had a thing for these birds... not sure why.



These two pictures are in the "Nature" creative play area. We spent a ton of time here!



~Andrea

Issues of my heart

So first... I think my lack of writing much on this blog is because I feel guilty. I tend to be negative when I write here. I struggle with feeling that I don't deserve to write my troubles down for anyone and everyone to read. I gotta get over this! I tend to be rather quiet and I'm pretty selective about who I talk to about personal issues. The result of this is that I don't express the things I desperately need to. They build up and I release them on my poor unsuspecting and very male husband. So, I suppose what I'm saying, and perhaps more to myself than anyone else, is that this is my spot to be honest about how I feel and if you don't like it... well, that's ok 'cause you don't have to read. ;)

Now to what's on my heart. James has spent the past 4 weeks interviewing for a fabulous job in Denver. When I say fabulous... I mean it! We were talking six figures, fantastic benefits and finally getting the opportunity to work for a company that truly treats its' employees well. James was their top pick from the beginning. As this is not the first time James has interviewed for a great job, I tried SO hard to not get my hopes up and to not dream and visualize how much better this could make our lives. *Sigh* It didn't happen... again. The company was split 85% men to 15% women. James interviewed with two women for the two open positions. I'm pretty sure it became a "Battle of the Sexes" of sorts and the man lost.

Despite my efforts to control myself, I'm crushed. And the key word in the previous paragraph is the word "again". I have an incredible desire to lie down on my bed and weep and weep and weep. I'm struggling the most because of my job. It was the one thing I had built up, getting to FINALLY quit my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with needing to work. I'm just not ok with having to keep working my current job. This isn't something that just started either. It's been building and building for the past year and a half. It actually got really bad last year around Christmas time. I sunk into an extreme depressed state. I can sense some of those same depressed feelings creeping back in. I don't want to go there again....

As far as the "again" part of that goes, James and I are both struggling with feeling like everything we try to better our lives fails. We tried to get pregnant this past summer.... complete failure. We tried to buy a house this fall... fell through at the last minute. We both keep trying to get better jobs... obviously no luck there either. I'm to the point that I don't feel like trying anymore. This is where I start to get nervous about sinking into a depressed state again. When I say I don't want to try anymore, I'm not just talking about getting a new job, I'm talking about everything. Are we allowed to have "Quitting" parties as adults? Ha ha... I wish!

I don't know what to do but the one thing that keeps me going right now is the song "It is Well". The song came into my head about an hour before the company James was interviewing with called to tell him they weren't hiring him on Wednesday. The words keep repeating in my head...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows role;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul.
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

~Andrea